Category: Tutorials

I have been in a somewhat low mood over the past few months…but it came to an all time low a couple of weeks back. I now realise that this downward spiral really kicked off after having the health inspector do the final check-over on Little Audrey’s. While listening to them pick out every flaw, ‘You’ve had a year to do this’, to my husband ‘She can’t be easy to live with’, ‘why are you making this so much more difficult than it needs to be?’, ‘You’re making cakes and candles?! Pick one, you can’t do all of this!’, ‘if you’re lucky enough to succeed with vegan cakes…’ oh my gosh…when they left I felt absolutely attacked and defeated, and shamed. And although Little Audrey’s had passed the inspection (signed off as READY TO GO!! Squeeee!) I didn’t feel like celebrating. I was still reeling. And no matter how much I tried to convince myself that this was just their way and it was absolutely nothing personal….I do not take criticism well. It hurts me a LOT. It’s something I now know that is often associated with ADHDER’s. Its called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). No amount of logic will change this. It’s just another form of emotional dysregulation (ED) an extremely common ADHD trait. It’s the way our brains are structured…And it sucks!

So I take all that is said, to heart. And it eats at me for way longer than most people think and feel is necessary. But I get anxious, and hurt, embarrassed, self conscious, and so incredibly ashamed. Then I just want to throw in the towel because now I’m overthinking every single word…and it’s all too much. So instead of getting excited…I am feeling drained, and lethargic, and just depressed. And I do all the self talk to get me out of it, but here I am almost 3 weeks later feeling upset that it’s still bothering me. Then I get ANGRY and fed up with myself for wallowing. It irritates the hell out of me, and it’s EXHAUSTING.

I’m tired of trying to pretend I have it all together. I’m tired of the overthinking, the people pleasing, the self doubt, the second guessing. I’m tired of the procrastinating, and all the unfinished projects, the self loathing, the depression. I’m tired of the body dysmorphia, the masking, the meltdowns, the harsh words that I let slip. I’m tired of the guilt, the indecisiveness, the paralysis. I’m tired of apologising, and losing EVERYTHING, I’m just tired of having ADHD. Most days I go to bed with a headache because it’s like the thoughts themselves create such chaos that it physically hurts. The fatigue is next level. And I’m always tired. Because regardless of how little I do in a day…my mind is ALWAYS on the go.

I know it’s not all bad. But when it is. It’s all of this. And more. It’s accepting that I will always need to work on a system to make my life work. It means constantly battling my brain to get things done. It’s about accepting that I’m sensitive, and because of this the overwhelm of just being, becomes unbearable. I am constantly making excuses for everyone else’s behaviour, yet I don’t give myself the same understanding and love and acceptance.

It’s been 2 years since I was diagnosed and I’m struggling now more than ever. And I despise that. When I first received my diagnosis I was thrilled that I could finally start to make sense of who I am! (T Rex arms is an ADHD trait?!!!)🦖 It was such a beautiful thing…I had no idea that it would be such a struggle to adapt and re learn everything that does and doesn’t work for me. I am angry at myself for being so self pitying…and I’m angry that at 38 years old I have to re learn how to cope and strategise in order to make my life easier for myself and everyone in it. I have to learn my triggers, and I am setting boundaries. I’m learning when to notice the signs of sensory overload and when I need to leave the room and take a breather before I hurt those around me with my sharp tongue. I’m learning that I’m allowed to have a break and say no. That if I need an hour or 2 to myself, I can do that as well. That resting is not equivalent to failure, and that my perception of success is my own, and it’s not going to look the same for everyone.

Every day I do a little bit more to get closer to my goals. And I’m constantly trying to convince myself that I’m enough. Deep down. I know I am. And then I have my wee firecracker of a son who asked the other day why I was upset. And when I tell him that everyone around me seems to be getting their businesses up and running before my eyes, and this should be me…he so wisely says ‘but mom, you don’t know how long it’s taken them…and you are doing so many other things too!’ And my husband chimes in and says ‘and you don’t know their financial situation, we’ve had no hand outs, all the money we earn is being put back in to the business..they might be getting financial help from parents or family…so of course it’s going to take us a bit more time.’ And both of them are absolutely right. Patience is again not a virtue I have. I want things done yesterday. And I also know that when I do succeed, and I will (!!)The rewards will be that much sweeter ❤️

In the meantime, I’ve been working on my garden. Planting seeds, painting the fence, digging, tending, and being. It brings me an overwhelming sense of peace, and joy, and lots of self love…and some back ache 😣 I’m creating a sanctuary that I can retreat to when I need to calm my mind and feed my soul. Because it can’t be all about work. Rest is vital. And balance is key! Something I’m learning that isn’t just for everyone else. I need it just as much…if not more than most 😮‍💨❤️

So Little Audrey’s will absolutely be on the road SHORTLY! We’re literally sorting out the van (it decided to die on us) and then I’ve just got to figure out where I’m going to be and I will let you guys know! And actually typing this out has made me inhale sharply. Because really, as soon as the van is fixed. Little Audrey’s is well and truly ready to take off 😳😅 Taking a break from cakes to get everything sorted has been tough but very much needed to get things moving. So watch this space!!!

Love and light my guys! Don’t forget to make a batch of my gorgeous Vegan Hot Cross Buns!! I’m making them this evening for my eldest…but substituting the raisins for chocolate chips of course 🥰

Hey my guys! I think it’s safe to say that my all time favourite treat would have to be cookies! I would take a cookie over a slice of cake any day. Kinda weird being that I’m a cake decorator, but there’s something about a cookie that just makes me weak. I can’t resist them. What are you favourite sweet treats?! I needs ta know!

My family adores peanut butter, so when it comes to cookies, this flavour is a no brainer.

This recipe is almost like a shortbread in that it’s got a melt in your mouth tenderness, but a slight chewiness in the centre of the cookie as well. So for me, it ticks all the boxes.

I haven’t had any new videos for while because this whole lockdown thing has kept me BUSY! I honestly have been non stop with kids, school work, course work for myself, business goals, and baking. And video editing takes FOREVER! So today I treated it like a live video (so scary for me as I’m out of practice) with very quick editing, so that you guys can have the video, and the recipe all in one day. I hope you enjoy the craziness that are my kids! I’ll be bringing more videos for you featuring Yours Truly, because that’s just how I’m going to have to roll. It seems to work better for my crazy schedule 😜 So start getting used to this mug! 😅

Print Recipe

Vegan Peanut Butter Cookies

A delicious, quick, and easy Peanut Butter Cookie recipe

Prep Time5 minutes mins

Cook Time15 minutes mins

Course: Dessert

Cuisine: American

Keyword: Cookies, Peanut Butter, Vegan

Servings: 15

Ingredients

• 220 g Plain flour
• 3/4 tsp Baking Soda (Bicarbonate of Soda)
• 1/2 tsp Salt
• 210 g Creamy or Crunchy Peanut Butter Do not use all natural peanut butter if you can help it
• 100 g Vegan Block Butter softened, or Margarine
• 200 g Brown Sugar
• 1 Tbsp Vanilla Extract
• 1 Tbsp Water

Instructions

• Preheat the oven to 150 degrees . Line 2 baking sheets with baking paper or a Silpat liner.

  In a medium bowl whisk together the flour, salt, baking soda. Set aside.
• Mix the butter, sugar, vanilla, peanut butter, and water together with a hand or stand mixer until light and fluffy. Slowly mix in the flour mixture. If you find the dough a bit stiff, add more water. Just a tablespoon at a time.
• Using a scoop or your hands, roll out little balls of dough and place them a few inches apart on the cookie sheet. Press the dough with the back of a fork, and then again the opposite way to create a cross hatch. Place the fork in some flour before scoring if it starts to stick.
• Bake for 12-15 minutes until golden around the edges. Let cool and serve.

Hey my guys! How is everyone doing during this lockdown? I hope you’re all thriving, or at least getting through it as sanely as possible. I had my first major breakdown last week. It’s not actually happened for a while but this night my emotions got the best of me and I uuuugly cried in to my pillow. It was just huge racking sobs and I just really hoped that I wouldn’t wake my kids. Kyle thankfully was on night shift so it was just me. I fell asleep from the pure exhaustion of it, had some crazy dreams, but in the morning I felt so much better. Eager to start my day with a clear and happy head, and heart. Burning incense, reading, exercising and creating. And making sure I’m not going too hard on myself when I just feel like eating cookies and drinking coffee all day 🙈

I’ve been going through all my vegan cookbooks in this gorgeous sunshine and I came across a Jaffa cake recipe that I though I would try from Ms. Cupcakes Naughtiest Cakes in Town. I used her base recipe for the sponge but because I wanted a gourmet kind of Jaffa cake, and also I had zero marmalade in the house, I made a beautiful vegan orange jelly for the centre. Very much like the store bought Jaffa cake, except BETTER! Guys I’m not even a huge chocolate orange fan but THIS. Absolutely STUNNING. I mean, I could have consumed the whole batch. But I promised to drop some off with some of my favourite people so…

Any way. If you have marmalade, it’s much easier and I’m sure will taste beautiful as well. But if you’re feeling a bit adventurous, absolutely try making this very easy yet fancy orange jelly…you will need agar agar, which I get online. It’s fairly cheap and you don’t need much so it’s worth it as a lot of vegan recipes use agar agar to substitute the gelatin..because I really don’t like the idea of boiled pig skin in my desserts 🥺🤷🏻‍♀️

So here we are! The recipe is below. Along with a little video too! And if you love Chocolate Orange, you will love this spectacular Chocolate Orange Cupcake Candle available at Donut Eat Bakery.

My daughter loves wraps. She will choose a wrap over sliced bread any day of the week.

Last week I made a gorgeous vegan burrito and I used store bought wraps. I had to hide them from my daughter because as soon as she saw them she wanted to open them…didn’t matter how many times I told her I was using them for dinner.

Next day all the wraps were eaten and she wanted me to go get some more. Guys I’ve just ordered a 16kg bag of flour, I told her I can’t just go to the shops as soon as we run out of something right now, so I’d make her some. Well she didn’t think I could do it….mainly because how was I going to get them so round and so thin?! I think she forgets I roll fondant on a nearly daily basis and I don’t think she realises I went to pastry school to learn how to make almost every type of bread in existence either. So I just guaranteed I would have wraps for her breakfast in the morning.

It took me less than 5 minutes to make the dough, another 15 to let them rest, and another 10 to roll them all out, and a minute to cook.

Hayden was NOT impressed with how my wraps were not very round, so she took the rolling pin from me, and showed me how it was done….and she did indeed. The shape of her wraps were absolutely perfect! Which was great because while I cooked, she rolled them out 🥰 win win.

She watched me put the first one on the pan and then was gutted because she wanted them to have freckles just like the store bought ones….so I flipped it and she gave a little gasp and squeal when she saw the ‘freckles’. Definitely my child this one ❤️

Both kids loved them (‘better than the shop ones’ 🙌🏻) and now I can make them on a regular basis…and I’m pretty sure to make 8 wraps only cost about 5p….so it was definitely a win!

Here’s the recipe if you want to give them a go. I made 8….but I think I’ll make 16 next time as mine were sliiiightly on the thicker side even though the tortilla fit my whole pan.

Print Recipe

Tortilla Wrap

Easy, soft tortilla wraps

Prep Time30 minutes mins

Cook Time2 minutes mins

Keyword: Tortillas, Wraps

Servings: 16

Ingredients

• 380 g Flour Plain flour or Strong Flour
• 1/2 tsp Salt
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 75 ml vegetable oil
• 240 ml warm water

Instructions

• In the bowl of your stand mixer fitted with a dough hook, combine your dry ingredients and give a little mix.
• Add the warm water and oil and mix for a minute or 2 on medium speed until the all the flour has been incorporated. You'll need to push the flour down from the sides of the bowl every so often.
• Once all the ingredients have come together to form a smooth dough, turn it out on to a well floured surface.
• Divide the dough in half, then keep dividing until you have 16 equal sized pieces.
• Roll each piece of dough in to a ball and flatten with the palm of your hand. Set them under a clean tea towel to give the gluten a litte rest. This will make it easier to roll out. 15 minutes is all it needs.
• Roll out the dough very thinly until almost transparent. The thinner the better as you willg et a teeny tiny rise out of the dough.
• Heat a large frying pan on medium/high heat. No oil needed! Place the rolled out tortilla in to the pan and cook for about a minute or until the underside has golden brown spots or 'freckles'. Cook the other side for about 30 seconds nd transfer to a plate. Do not over cook or you will end up with a brittle wrap.

These will freeze really well, and best eaten the day they’re made. To reheat you can place a damp paper towel on top of the wraps for 10 seconds in the microwave.

Enjoy!!

I absolutely ADORE hot cross buns. When it comes to most holiday type foods I try not to buy them store bought, because it’s too easy to just eat a whole pack in one sitting….and I can eat a whole bag in one sitting 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈 this includes things like Mince Pies, Stollen, and Hot Cross Buns. So I decided I wasn’t going to eat any more hot cross buns until I made them myself. I’ve put together a wee video on how I made them, but the full recipe is just below, and printable too!

Of course I made them vegan, but to be honest, you’d never tell the diference. A lot of store bought ones these days are unintentionally vegan anyway. So it’s a win all round. My go to vegan butter in the UK is Naturli. To be honest, we don’t have a lot of options here for vegan block butter. Thankfully, Naturli Vegan Block Butter is absolutely delicious. They have a spreadable version too which is so so tasty as well.

If you’re in the States or Canada, you can use Earth Balance.I’ve tried to get it here but it’s almost impossible.

Honestly, it’s such an easy and straightforward recipe.  I’m not a huge fan of mixed peel but if you’re feeling super traditional you can replace some of the raisins with the peel. I used orange zest as well, but lemon will do just as nicely. I used unsweetened Almond Milk in this recipe, but generally would use Oat milk. Almond is all I had because I’ve had to substitute with this Covid-19 Lockdown as Oat milk seems a bit more scarce. If you only have sultanas, use those! I prefer raisins, because they’re less mushy. I know! I’m a texture freak! 🤷🏻‍♀️

So experiment away, just keep the measurements correct and you’re good to go. An easy, fluffy, simply more-ish hot cross bun!

If you’re wanting to save even more time, forget the crosses! That’s just for show…but can you really call it a hot cross bun without it?