Oh my goodness! Have you guys been feeling the shift in the universe right now?! It’s next level. Every single one of my friends…ok I say that like I have loads but we know that’s certainly not true. I’m a hermit! But it seems like everyone I talk to right now is going through this insane burnout!!! It’s like our minds and hearts cannot cope with the absolute chaos that is happening in the world today. The insane corruption and greed of our government(s), because we know this isn’t only in the U.K. I make a point not to watch the news. I’m not burying my head in the sand, but I’m doing the best I can, and to be reminded that the only motivating force with the elite is of course money…more money than they can ever spend in one lifetime…it wreaks havoc on my soul and thus my mental health…because here we are, the working class…suffering for their ‘sins’. I despise that word but it’s all I got right now 😜
Anyway…Little Audreys has taken waaaay longer than I anticipated. I really wanted to be up and running by March…but there have been a few pricey mistakes along the way, which means the loan I took out had to cover that, (anyone need a generator that can power a whole block of houses? 🙄🙈) and I’m needing to work more to make sure my payments are up to date. So it’s a vicious cycle. I’m not worrying though, because the universe always provides ❤️
I had the health inspector come and have a look at my trailer to make sure that everything was good to go. Unfortunately the way I had the interior decorated was a no go due to the faux plants etc (fire hazards, difficult to clean etc). Other than that, only a few changes and we’re good! But hearing that my decor wasn’t allowed was so so hard to swallow. The disappointment was palpable. When the inspector left I cried big salty tears, because every time I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel there was yet another diversion. But I’m also the WORST at putting far too much pressure on myself, and then when things don’t go to plan, I get myself in a right state. After I had a good cry, I thought about the next step. I’m a natural problem solver, and I can always find a solution to pretty much every problem and very quickly. It’s a gift 🤷🏻♀️😜. I thought it was something I inherited from my father…well it is! But that’s because he passed down his ADHD to me, and thinking on our feet, being resourceful, and problem solving is something I’ve learned recently that is a wonderful trait of ADHD ❤️ The meltdown right beforehand…not so much 😅
I digress…as usual 😏
I know I want ‘Little Audrey’s’ to possess all of the aspects of who I am. My beliefs, my visions, my inner witch, my spirituality. I wanted to somehow include my grandmother’s beautiful face, not just her name, in to the business. I had the exact photo of my gran that I knew I wanted to use as inspiration. I never knew my gran to have long flowing hair. It was always cut short pinned back and done up quite proper. My gran was very proper in company, but definitely always let her guard down with us. So I painted her as the witch, crone, and goddess that I’ve always seen her as. A kind, wise, loving, and deeply spiritual woman. My overthinking brain was worried that she wouldn’t like to be represented as such, because she was a God fearing woman, but then I knew that I was being ridiculous. Because she never judged, and to me God, and the Universe has nothing to do with religion, but how we represent ourselves in our actions.
I was nervous to paint a portrait of her, because what if I couldn’t capture her essence, and her kind eyes. I was told many years ago by my now (thankfully) ex husband that I wasn’t a real artist. He brought me down a lot, but that one really stuck with me because I loved to sketch, and paint. My self worth as an artist deteriorated very quickly and I didn’t pick up a pencil or paintbrush for many years after that. But as soon as I started painting Gran I was at ease.. Because the woman I was painting was a healer, a nurturer, and fierce in her own right…and her blood runs in my veins, and I am her grand daughter dammit! 🤨😂❤️ so I forgave my ex because I know now that he was just a hurt and insecure boy that hadn’t healed and I surrendered it all to the universe. I had a stern internal dialogue with him, telling him that I AM an artist and I can paint whatever I want to, and that he can get to f!&ck! And he doesn’t get to dictate my worth. Only I have the power to do that ❤️🙌🏻
And I felt my granny with me with every stroke of my brush. I found myself welling up with tears throughout the process. She visited me a few times, once coming in to my room as I was sleeping, like a mother checking in on her children before retiring for the night. I asked her for a sign the other day and on my way home I was stuck behind a camper van who just seemed to be going the exact same route as me, even when we got to my own street! Then I laughed and said ‘Thanks Gran’ when I noticed that the vehicle was called ‘Ethel’ my grannies middle name. Other times she came to me in meditations and even while painting I could feel her watching me over my shoulder and she smiled and said ‘I love it my pet’. And even now I’m welling up thinking of her.
So this one is for my gran. To honour an incredible, and beautiful soul. This painting will be mounted in my Horsebox so that I can see her every day and remember her and also who I am and strive to be.
I feel now that my painting journey has just begun and I’m sure I will be creating many more pieces in the future.