Horsebox Conversion – Cakes by Carrie-Anne

Little Audrey’s has hit the road!

This still feels so surreal to me. A childhood dream of opening my own little bakery..has finally come to fruition. Albeit in a mobile cafe as opposed to brick and mortar, but that doesn’t phase me. At all. This feels more free. Much less pressure, and I put enough of that on myself on a daily basis.

It’s taken a few years for Little Audrey’s to take shape. Setback after setback, self doubt, getting complacent, and just life in general. Then a few weeks ago, I’d just had enough. So I told Kyle that I was setting a date, and that was that! My little boy was over the moon, he’s been the MOST excited about this and he’s even planning ‘home’ lunches on a Thursday so that he can spend it with me at Little Audrey’s ❤️ he spent the morning helping me clean the kitchen, pack up the goodies and was up front with me in the car as we followed Kyle towing the trailer. Driving behind Little Audrey’s was so emotional, I looked over at my boy trying to hold back the tears and he looked over at me and was welling up too and said ‘there’s a big lump in my throat. It’s finally here! I’m so proud of you, mom!’ And that in itself is enough to make any momma cry!

When we arrived at our new site it just felt right. We started to set up and the generator powered up but there was no electricity. Kyle was freaking out a bit but I was so calm. And I said ‘it will be fine. Today is the day it’s meant to happen, and I’ve been talking to my gran (Little Audrey) for all the help she can give, I know she’s here.’ And she was. Because although it was a very bumpy start, it was meant to be that way. If it wasn’t for our fantastic neighbours who took time out of their Sunday to come and help, we never would’ve got the cafe open. That was such a lovely heartwarming experience in itself.

I didn’t advertise for a reason, I wanted to go in slow and steady. Test the waters, get a feel for how I wanted things to be, and to just see what more needed to be done for the days that I would need it. At the end of the day, we came out of that trailer with a list of things to work on, and we still got way more customers than I anticipated. So for all that went wrong, it was so worth it, and very right as well.

I’ve decided now that I will be out twice a week to start, the menu will be somewhat limited until I can get a system in place that works for me. Because I do all the baking myself, I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew…I do that far too much. I’m learning my limits…slowly but surely 😜 And I’m still crazy busy with candle orders so I need to also accept that I am just one person and I can’t in fact, do it all. And that’s ok.

So for the time being I will be setting up in the small parking lot on Culloden Avenue just off of Barn Church Rd, next to Barn Church. I’m aiming for every Thursday and Sunday from 11am and from there we will play it by ear!

I’m so excited to start bringing my baked goods and coffees to Culloden, and I’m definitely going to go back to my pastry school days and bring some French classics to Inverness! So if you’re in the area don’t hesitate to come and see me for a hot cup of soup and homemade focaccia, or a Blueberry Streusel muffin and Cappucino, or an Earl Grey Tea and a Fruit and Custard Tart ❤️ I can guarantee it’s all delicious, and all plant based 🌱

Burnout and Re evaluations

I am officially at burnout. It’s taken me a long time to realise it. Of course I’ve known I’ve been doing too much, and not sleeping enough, and all that jazz, but the last couple of weeks my work life has been relatively quiet. My husband has annual leave so I took that opportunity to not book as many cakes in. So I figured this much needed quiet time will do the world of good. Except now after 2 weeks of doing a lot of nothing much at all, the thought of ‘going back’ to work next week is giving me the most anxiety. I feel like I’m still needing so much more time off. I just don’t want to do anything. I’m slipping back in to this godawful depression and that scares the living shit out of me, but at the same time. I just don’t care. I’m just so tired.

Burnout is quite a regular occurrence with ADHD. But this time…this time feels like the time I was at my worst emotional and mental health 7 years ago. I see myself falling in to the same habits. Habits of just trying to survive. I’m not a napper. I wish I could be, but my mind and body doesn’t allow it. But today I slept for hours on the couch. I’ve burst in to tears for countless times in the last two days. I’m an incredibly emotional person, I get teary eyed over a lot of things, but there’s always a reason. So when I’m crying out of the blue and not being able to put a finger on the reason why, napping to get past the feelings…but then at the same time feeling the most amount of numbness, I definitely get worried.

It’s also a good chance to start getting back to meditating, to go within and do the soul work. And I’m really hopeful that this is the breaking point I need to get focused again. I was reading that burnout can last anywhere from 3 months to a year…if not more. I just can’t. The last serious burnout I had is not the place I want to be in again. It was a dark, and scary place to be. And I was there for a very long time. I’ve never ever in my life blacked out from drinking, but I know what people mean when they say that, because when I was at my lowest, there are times in that period that I actually can’t remember. There was no drink or medication involved, it was just my mind trying so hard to push the pain away. Fight or flight. This time though I think…I hope, that I have the tools to get past it without getting to that incredibly dark place.

But my bedroom will once again become my haven, my sacred space, and I’m going to focus on getting to that right frame of mind. I’m going to remember that work and money is not worth the mental anguish, and I’m going to work on my goals and dreams in my own time. I’m going to cry, and feel the hurt, and pain and emotional anguish of not feeling loved, and good enough. When I feel like life hasn’t been fair to me, I will embrace that too and release it knowing full well that these are the life lessons that I have to go through. And one day I might just fully accept that I don’t need to believe that I’m an awful person who deserves this mental anguish because of the awful things I do and have done. I will remind myself daily that I am enough, and it also means I really don’t need to let the little things get to me. Burnout can be a blessing in disguise. I’m thankful I can see that through the veil of darkness.

So please bare with me with I try to get back to messages, and emails, etc. Today I’ve been on the couch in my oversized hoodie and blanket, watching Disney plus and drinking copious amounts of tea ❤️ I see a lot of this happening in the near future…trying to give at least one fuck. Thank god for my friend Kerry who books Waggtails sessions for the dogs so I have to get my ass moving and out the door 😜

I think we all need to take a step back and reevaluate our lives every so often. Make sure we know what’s important. I don’t want money to be a factor in my everyday happiness. I don’t want that to control my thoughts daily. I have enough. I am blessed, and if I don’t have my health…what’s the point?!

In the next few weeks, I’m going to focus on creating my menu for Little Audrey’s. I’m going to try all the sandwich and panini recipes that I want to include, and all the bars and bakes that I’ve been collecting and creating in my head that I want to bring to life. Not because I have to, but because there’s still a lot of passion for baking and creating within me. And it’s time to bring that to the table now. It’s just time.

Love and Light my guys. And please feel free to let me know your favourite sandwiches and bakes. Inspire me! ❤️🙌🏻 x

A Little Audrey’s Update, Setbacks and Always a Life Lesson!

Oh my goodness! Have you guys been feeling the shift in the universe right now?! It’s next level. Every single one of my friends…ok I say that like I have loads but we know that’s certainly not true. I’m a hermit! But it seems like everyone I talk to right now is going through this insane burnout!!! It’s like our minds and hearts cannot cope with the absolute chaos that is happening in the world today. The insane corruption and greed of our government(s), because we know this isn’t only in the U.K. I make a point not to watch the news. I’m not burying my head in the sand, but I’m doing the best I can, and to be reminded that the only motivating force with the elite is of course money…more money than they can ever spend in one lifetime…it wreaks havoc on my soul and thus my mental health…because here we are, the working class…suffering for their ‘sins’. I despise that word but it’s all I got right now 😜

Anyway…Little Audreys has taken waaaay longer than I anticipated. I really wanted to be up and running by March…but there have been a few pricey mistakes along the way, which means the loan I took out had to cover that, (anyone need a generator that can power a whole block of houses? 🙄🙈) and I’m needing to work more to make sure my payments are up to date. So it’s a vicious cycle. I’m not worrying though, because the universe always provides ❤️

Continue reading “A Little Audrey’s Update, Setbacks and Always a Life Lesson!”

Horsebox Conversion…or ‘Little Audrey’ and Salted Caramel Recipe

Wooop, the Horsebox conversion is coming along slowly but surely 😜 I was really trying not to put too much pressure on myself…but that’s just not how this girl works unfortunately 🙈

The cost of the conversion itself has been a bit scary, but because we’re doing most of the work ourselves, it’s definitely saved a lot of money!! I did have to take out a wee loan, but I know it will all be worth it. Because dreams sometimes DO cost a lot of money…but the cost of living with regret for the rest of my life will be far far more than a few thousand pounds. And we are hard workers, so this in itself gives me peace. I feel like the loan dwindled quickly with all the supplies, electrics, generator, pastry cases, sinks, water tanks, decor, etc, etc…This is all adding up very quickly. Seeing all this cash disappearing from my bank account is daunting to say the least 😩 But all good things 🙌🏻❤️

Continue reading “Horsebox Conversion…or ‘Little Audrey’ and Salted Caramel Recipe”

Inner peace and the Horsebox conversion! Squeeee!

These past few months have been touch mentally and emotionally for me. Being diagnosed with ADHD was a huge relief yet also quite heartbreaking. It dawned on me that this is disorder that can’t be cured only maintained so to speak. That kinda terrified me, and it put me in a right weird and dark place. I felt unmotivated, burnt out and just sad.

A few years back when I was going through the Dark night of my soul, I got very intimate with the writing and teachings of authors like Wayne Dyer, Brian Weiss, and like minded writers. These books impacted my life in a huge way. I was starting to feel at peace with my soul, peace with who I wanted to be and who I am, and I was in a state of euphoria. I started to fully surrender to the universe, and things were really starting to look up, my life was good!! So I stopped reading the books, I stopped meditating on a daily basis, stopped taking naps, and eventually just stopped practicing this life that worked so well for me. Because I was fine now! What an absolute idiot…we all know that maintenance is key…for every aspect of our lives. You want your car to run well? Maintenance….your garden to look nice and kept?! why did I think that my life didn’t need to be treated the same🙄🙈

My favourite book of Wayne Dyer is ‘Your Sacred Self; making the decision to be free’ I read it over and over when I was in that very dark place, I’ve bought countless copies and given them to people who I think would get some peace from his work. Then I struggled to get hold of it. I tried to order one a few months back, and the book never arrived. I was worried, because I felt I NEEDED this book back in my life in a bad way. But I left it, then a few nights ago when I was really feeling those awful thoughts creeping in, I managed to find a copy on eBay. It arrived on my birthday. The timing was perfect.

I picked it up last night after a particular emotional few days and I started reading and within minutes, all the words I had almost memorised a few year back, spoke to me in the exact same way. And I felt that feeling of bliss again. The feeling of surrendering to the universe, knowing that everything works in divine timing. Ego is left behind, forgiveness is more easily given, and all the fear, worry, self pity, jealousy, anger etc is left behind. It made me realise that these last few years I’ve forgotten who I endeavoured to be. I want to be free of all these emotions that just weigh me down.

So I unsent messages that don’t serve a higher purpose, you know the needy kind that you feel you need to validate your feelings and emotions? Nope. I’m done being treated like shit. I started forgiving people, forgiving myself, sending everyone all the love I could muster, and just RE realised that only love is real. And we all have a journey, and we don’t need to understand everyone’s life journey. We just need to accept it for what it is. As long as I’m doing the least amount of harm to someone, I will remember who I am, why I’m here. And I will invite spirituality in to my life whole heartedly once again. Of course this will be a work in progress, but I’m definitely trying everyday. And so far so good. That dark cloud has passed, and I’m confident that it won’t return to this level for some time! Because I’m going to do ALLL the maintenance work. Trust in the universe, trust in the process, and everything else will take care of itself ❤️

So I got back to focusing on my Horsebox conversion. I worked on my birthday and I was feeling so shit about just everything, and I asked Kyle that all I wanted was for him to start work on the trailer. And bless is heart, when I got home, he’d got the flooring all laid down and the frame was looking fab! He’s so hard on himself but he did an excellent job! Seeing his progress gave me all the feels again and got me so motivated to get my wee cafe up and running. I’m still working on names my guys! I do want to keep ‘Cakes By Carrie-Anne’ in there….but added something to it? What do you think?! Let me know!!!

I’m off to go buy all the wee bits and bobs that I’m still missing, like the sink, syrup pumps, tongs, milk pitchers etc. Exciting times my loves! I’ll keep you posted on ALLLL the wee updates

Allll the light and love my guys! And be kind. Always be kind. Sometimes our actions cause so much hurt without us even realising…and it’s not ok. We need to do better xx

C x