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Dealing with ADD and forgotten cakes…and crazy scary off days

I can’t even begin to tell you the relief I feel just being diagnosed with ADHD. It’s a sense of understanding why I am the way I am…but at the same time, it’s a bit soul destroying as well. Because my brain doesn’t work the same as everyone else’s. It’s a disorder that there is no cure for, and that’s fucking frightening…it means at my age, it’s not going to be something I just grow out of anymore…in fact, I feel like it’s been getting more out of hand in the last few years. And that’s just not ok.

I’ve been reading more about the disorder, and it’s been enlightening to say the least. I was in the bath a few days ago and found myself brushing away tears while reading because of how understood I felt. Finally. The anxiety and depression I felt, stemmed from never understanding why my brain was always in overdrive, why most of my friends just seemed to live life in a somewhat organised manner, but everything in mine was just constant chaos amid feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and that I just didn’t fit in with everyone else. The self deprecation just comes naturally and although deep down I know how fabulous I am….it takes a LOT to get past that mental block. It’s no wonder. I failed Grade 9 (Second year in the U.K.) math THREE times. And it’s because I had no interest in it whatsoever. I could real the equation a hundred times over and my eyes would gloss over and I’d be thinking of something else. I don’t ask for directions anymore. When I do, as soon as the person starts talking I just start nodding and saying yes, I know where you mean (do I fuck!) but now there’s no asking them again because I know unless they write it down…I will never know where I’m going.

A tidy room?! Not gonna happen. Well I mean, it does, and no matter how much I want it to stay that way. It’s not going to last. I know this. My husband knows this. It’s infuriating to say the least. The sigh’s, the look of disappointment and anxiety that I cause everyone around me. It’s hard for me to deal with. I take it extremely personally. I’m sick of this disorder affecting my life in such a huge way.

My days turn to shit when I get distracted so easily, one chore leads to the next unfinished chore. Piles of unswept dirt around the house because I’ve gotten distracted going to get the dustpan, children’s school forms never handed in because I keep putting it off, wedding cakes forgotten…oh yeah my guys. This was the big wake up call for me. I’ve still not recovered from this mentally and it happened last weekend. I FORGOT a wedding cake. I knew I had one coming up…but it wasn’t in my diary…and I get that dreaded message…. ‘Have you delivered the cake yet’…ummmmmm. I hustled. I panicked, I almost threw up. Then I baked the cakes. Thankfully one tier was fruit cake…I knew this, so remarkably unlike me, I had baked the cake weeks before…so I had only 2 tiers to make…I had some dummy tiers thankfully in my cupboard…the rest were in storage and there was no way I was going to be able to get them down by myself…so I decorated them, plus the fruit cake while the real cakes were baking. I was working on pure adrenaline. I felt so sick, embarrassed, ashamed, mortified, literally all those feels. I managed to get the cake to the venue, explained my ridiculously unprofessional dilemma to the staff, sent an apology to the bride (not a bridezilla thankfully) and then I got home, and frosted the real cakes and delivered to the venue before the cake was due to be served. So all in all it all worked out…but that’s not the point. The point is this SHOULD’NT happen. This was my breaking point. This is the point where I question ‘what even is the point of living with this constant torture, anxiety and mental frustration. This was the day that I really questioned leaving it all behind…and I haven’t felt that way in 6 months or more. I start my meds next week, so I am hopeful.

I also started a new fitness routine. Exercise is supposed to be a HUGE benefit for people with ADHD…but that it also a vicious cycle in itself…because I get obsessive, and if I eat one ‘wrong’ thing…I need to start back at square one. It’s an 8 week butt camp, just from home. I’ve meal prepped, I’m exercising, and I’m drinking far too much water in my opinion. My accountability partner is ghosting me so that’s made me feel even more unimportant and sad but such is life right? 😒

So now I’m laying in my room, whenever I have these relapses. Candles and incense lit, tidy room, sacred space, safe haven…meditating, journaling, and making me a priority. Because if I don’t…then who will? 🤷🏻‍♀️ but also my guys…ADHD has so many benefits too. Most people with it are very creative, artistic, and inventive thinkers. So there’s always a positive. Just struggling to see it at the moment…that’s all…this too shall pass.

Love and light my guys. We’ll get there.

C xx

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Cake Prices, Sick kids, and Gratitude!

Hellllo my loves. It’s been awhile…as per usual 😳

I was woken up at 4 this morning by whimpering and a tiny little ‘mommy’ you just KNOW that it’s not going to be good. I should’ve known when I went up to bed and checked on my babies that my eldest wasn’t feeling so hot… not literally because she was roasting! But also she has a tendency to bundle up even when the weather is warm. I touched her little brother’s skin and he was cool…mostly because he was in nothing but his underwear and no covers on. So I went to bed HOPING it was just a case of too many clothes and bedcovers. I was wrong. It’s a tummy bug. So now I’m in a slight frenzy. I’m trying to organise childcare and or shift changes.

It’s good! It’s covered, and panic is over! Kyle unfortunately is on training shifts for work this week too so trying to get out of that wouldn’t have been too easy either. So now I’m crazy cleaning the house, using bleach on every door handle, crevice, and every other surface that can and will be bleached! I’ve hoovered the entire house, sterilised the kitchen and bathroom..and when I’m in the cleaning frenzy…I just want EVERYTHING done! I even got my workout in. Leg day. I’m feeling it now.

I managed to swap shifts so I took the close, which I do love to do, and on days like today, a constant supply of coffee is a wonderful and much needed bonus of the job😜 And on a plus! I only have 2 cakes this week…until I face the storm of the next 3 weeks of cakes after that 😳😬

Anyway…pricing!

Right my guys, I know I don’t have to justify my prices. I know. And for the most part I have pretty cool customers who actually do realise the extent of what goes in to making a cake. But for those of you who cheekily, yes cheekily! tell me that they not paying ‘HOW MUCH?! It’s just CAKE!’ This one’s for you…and also to those new bakers that don’t think they’re charging enough. YOU’RE NOT…know your worth my loves!

And maybe it IS just cake….but it’s also so much more than that.

Absolutely my cakes aren’t affordable for everyone. That’s just life. Some people don’t think a birthday cake is a justifiable expense. And that’s okay too. I get it. I do! I know how hard we all work for our money. Im lucky enough to be able to create cakes for my kids that I don’t have to shell out my hard earned money for..But I would absolutely buy art work from my favourite artists. And I always pay that little bit extra to support local businesses where I can. Because I can appreciate that it’s taken years to hone their skills. (Or not..some people seem just naturally talented 🙄) Art supplies, like cake supplies aren’t cheap. Groceries aren’t cheap. So let’s give y’all an idea of a standard cake…

8 inch is my most popular. I always try to keep my costs down…don’t we all?

Butter has gone up…like a crazy amount, eggs, sugar, electricity for the ovens….doesn’t come cheap. We all know this. Sooo let’s say I make an 8 inch cake. The ingredients alone cost me £10, then adding on fondant, cake boards, ribbon, boxes, electricity. That’s another £10.00. This is all before I even start physically making the cake. And I charge for my time…I now pay myself £10 an hour. 5years ago…it was about £2. And sometimes, I still only make about £5 an hour. I can guarantee 99% of people wouldn’t get out of bed for that kinda wage. Am I right?!

I have to go shopping for all these groceries and wash all the dishes and clean the kitchen…and bake the cake…so I give myself an hour for that alone. So now we’re at £30. I haven’t even STARTED decorating at this point. I don’t even charge for the research, the back and forth conversations between myself and my customer. And sometimes…that takes a VERY long time.

Decorating can take anywhere from 1 hour, to 8 hours and beyond. And that’s just for a birthday cake! Even a drip cake that can take just an hour to decorate…will cost more because once you load it with sweets and chocolates, the cost of the sweets alone will bring the price of the cake up quite substantially.

So let’s say I spend 5 hours on a cake. Average for a bespoke cake. That includes filling, and covering the cake in fondant. Making the decorations etc. That’s another £40 of my time. Now we’re at £70

Also, I’m a business. Shouldn’t I make a profit as well? So I give myself 30% profit. 70+21=91…

And I’m laughing already because for a standard 8inch cake I generally charge £65!

So your average 8inch cake is looking like £90.00 And guess what?! I usually still don’t charge that. Generally quite a bit less. So I try really hard for my ego not to get in the way. And I tell myself that the people that complain and are rude…They’re not my customers. But I’m tired of not realising my worth. I don’t haggle anymore. I respect myself and my business enough to know when to let things go, and lately I’ve learned that a LOT in my personal life too. And if a cake is not meant for me, that’s cool. I move on. With grace, and always a kind word. Because I’m above that. I don’t let someone else’s opinions demean my work. At the end of the day. I’m an artist. And isn’t beauty always in the eye of the beholder? We can’t please everyone. And that’s ok. Because I think I’m pretty damn good most of the time anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️😏🥰

So before you knock someone’s prices, please think about what goes in to them. Ask yourself if you’d work for any less. And more importantly, if you don’t agree, move on, keep your opinions to yourself. Because really, what good comes of it. And I URGE everyone to make at least one celebration cake yourself, to the best of your ability. So you can see just how much love, effort, and work goes in to each order. It’s not as glamorous a job as you’d think 🙈😏

And on a more pleasant note… I’ve been feeling so incredibly grateful and humbled for all the orders that I have been receiving lately. I was worried when I moved down from Thurso that the work wouldn’t come. But word of mouth is a wonderful thing. And I put my trust in the universe and just knew that if I put everything in her hands, All would be well. And as always. It is. Because letting go, giving in, and having faith is the best thing you can do. Always.

** All the cakes pictured above where from fantastic clients who had no issues with the prices of their cakes 🥰