These past few months have been touch mentally and emotionally for me. Being diagnosed with ADHD was a huge relief yet also quite heartbreaking. It dawned on me that this is disorder that can’t be cured only maintained so to speak. That kinda terrified me, and it put me in a right weird and dark place. I felt unmotivated, burnt out and just sad.
A few years back when I was going through the Dark night of my soul, I got very intimate with the writing and teachings of authors like Wayne Dyer, Brian Weiss, and like minded writers. These books impacted my life in a huge way. I was starting to feel at peace with my soul, peace with who I wanted to be and who I am, and I was in a state of euphoria. I started to fully surrender to the universe, and things were really starting to look up, my life was good!! So I stopped reading the books, I stopped meditating on a daily basis, stopped taking naps, and eventually just stopped practicing this life that worked so well for me. Because I was fine now! What an absolute idiot…we all know that maintenance is key…for every aspect of our lives. You want your car to run well? Maintenance….your garden to look nice and kept?! maintenance..so why did I think that my life didn’t need to be treated the same🙄🙈
My favourite book of Wayne Dyer is ‘Your Sacred Self; making the decision to be free’ I read it over and over when I was in that very dark place, I’ve bought countless copies and given them to people who I think would get some peace from his work. Then I struggled to get hold of it. I tried to order one a few months back, and the book never arrived. I was worried, because I felt I NEEDED this book back in my life in a bad way. But I left it, then a few nights ago when I was really feeling those awful thoughts creeping in, I managed to find a copy on eBay. It arrived on my birthday. The timing was perfect.
I picked it up last night after a particular emotional few days and I started reading and within minutes, all the words I had almost memorised a few year back, spoke to me in the exact same way. And I felt that feeling of bliss again. The feeling of surrendering to the universe, knowing that everything works in divine timing. Ego is left behind, forgiveness is more easily given, and all the fear, worry, self pity, jealousy, anger etc is left behind. It made me realise that these last few years I’ve forgotten who I endeavoured to be. I want to be free of all these emotions that just weigh me down.
So I unsent messages that don’t serve a higher purpose, you know the needy kind that you feel you need to validate your feelings and emotions? Nope. I’m done being treated like shit. I started forgiving people, forgiving myself, sending everyone all the love I could muster, and just RE realised that only love is real. And we all have a journey, and we don’t need to understand everyone’s life journey. We just need to accept it for what it is. As long as I’m doing the least amount of harm to someone, I will remember who I am, why I’m here. And I will invite spirituality in to my life whole heartedly once again. Of course this will be a work in progress, but I’m definitely trying everyday. And so far so good. That dark cloud has passed, and I’m confident that it won’t return to this level for some time! Because I’m going to do ALLL the maintenance work. Trust in the universe, trust in the process, and everything else will take care of itself ❤️
So I got back to focusing on my Horsebox conversion. I worked on my birthday and I was feeling so shit about just everything, and I asked Kyle that all I wanted was for him to start work on the trailer. And bless is heart, when I got home, he’d got the flooring all laid down and the frame was looking fab! He’s so hard on himself but he did an excellent job! Seeing his progress gave me all the feels again and got me so motivated to get my wee cafe up and running. I’m still working on names my guys! I do want to keep ‘Cakes By Carrie-Anne’ in there….but added something to it? What do you think?! Let me know!!!
I’m off to go buy all the wee bits and bobs that I’m still missing, like the sink, syrup pumps, tongs, milk pitchers etc. Exciting times my loves! I’ll keep you posted on ALLLL the wee updates
Allll the light and love my guys! And be kind. Always be kind. Sometimes our actions cause so much hurt without us even realising…and it’s not ok. We need to do better xx
C x