So this blog is unlike any I’ve shared before. Truth be told, I’m not even sure I’ll hit publish on this one. It’s not cake related (I’ve been a bit quiet on that front).
Some of you many know that I’m battling with depression and anxiety. It was bad. So bad that I booked a flight home to Vancouver with my kids and left my husband behind. So bad that I told my life partner that I didn’t want to be married anymore.
Because I didn’t love him? Absolutely not! I just felt trapped. Let’s get something straight here guys….this man is one of the most beautiful souls I’ve ever met. He’s kind, he’s generous, he has a really big heart. He’s a phenomenal dad, and a great husband. Basically everything a woman looks for in a man.
It wasn’t enough….I had fallen into a deep depression and he wasn’t enough. I was so so lost. More alone than I’d ever felt in my life!
I’ve come to realise now, that the reason I felt and still feel trapped is because I’ve not been living my truth. I’m not at peace with myself. It has nothing to do with my husband, my marriage, my beautiful children, my career. I’ve been focusing on the wrong things. I’ve been focusing on the greed, the hatred and the ugliness in the world that I was losing sight of what’s important. I was serving my ego and not my spirit.
Too often we are consumed with material wealth, possesions, being better than our neighbour, and we lose sight of the big picture.
I accidentally discovered a book while I was on Youtube…. (the universe was clearly sending me signals) and it literally changed my life in a hugely positive way. I’ve recommended them to EVERYONE and I’ve even sent a few to some dear friends. The books are by Dr. Brian Weiss.
He writes about his experiences as a hypnotherapist in past life regression. I know how crazy it may sound to some of you but regardless of your beliefs it has one important message. The message is love. Our souls all have a purpose and at the end of the day that purpose is love. Now instead of seeing people as just human beings I see them as souls on a journey. Souls that need to be accepted because we are all on a different path. No one can ever truly know what’s in your heart, so why do we feel the need to judge eachother?
This month I’ve been doing random acts of kindess because that’s what gives me my purpose. I’m discovering that my journey is to help people feel as worthy as they are. We are all of us struggling to some degree. If I can help even in the smallest way, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m so over being affected by what people think of me. I’m done with the gossip, the hurt, the malice and the judgements. We are all here to serve a higher purpose. I choose kindness. I choose forgiveness, I choose love. Unconditional love.
I highly recommend these books. I started with ‘Through Time into Healing’ then ‘Only Love is Real’ but they are ALL worth a read…and a re read. My spiritual journey is far from over. I feel like I’m at a turning point in my life. Am I still struggling with anxiety and depression? Yep….but I’m feeling far more hopeful because I’ve decided to live my truth.
And if you’re wanting to read more on this I highly recommend
‘The Book of Secrets’ by Deepak Chopra
‘The Monk who sold his Ferrari’ by Robin Sharma
‘You Sacred Self-Making the Decision to be Free’ by Wayne W. Dyer
Guys, with an open mind and heart I truly believe we can make a difference. Happy Reading! <3 x